Gossip - A Biblical Counseling Perspective By Christian Bringolf, MA LMHC

More Than Just Venting: Why Gossip Is a Heart Issue

“For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” — Matthew 12:34

“I’m just venting.” “I’m just processing.”
Most of us have used these phrases to justify sharing private or sensitive information about others. We might grumble under our breath about a politician, quietly seethe at the success of someone else, or casually share details that were entrusted to us in confidence. Whether we recognize it or not, gossip is often a play for influence or control—a way to show others we’re “in the know,” even at someone else’s expense.

At its core, gossip is about power. It feeds on speculation, envy, and deceit. Some of the most celebrated shows in popular culture—Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey, and others—thrive on plots where deception, betrayal, and gossip create drama and chaos. Our society may glamorize it, but Scripture does not.

As Matthew C. Mitchell writes in his article “A Gallery of Gossips”, “Interestingly, the Bible more often than not defines a gossip as a kind of person, not as a kind of speech.” Gossip is not a trivial sin. It’s a heart issue that reveals deeper spiritual problems. From a biblical counseling perspective, addressing gossip requires more than behavior change—it requires heart transformation.

What Gossip Reveals About Your Heart

“For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.” — Matthew 15:19

From Genesis to Revelation, God is concerned with the heart. Scripture shows again and again that our outward behavior flows from our inward condition. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for appearing righteous while harboring corruption in their hearts—calling them “whitewashed tombs” (Matt. 23:27-28). Gossip, similarly, is an external fruit of internal sin.

Gossip often reveals pride, jealousy, insecurity, or a desire to control others. Speaking negatively about someone else can be a subtle form of self-exaltation—a way of elevating ourselves by diminishing others. It is also rooted in comparison and self-righteousness.

The Bible speaks clearly about the danger and pervasiveness of gossip:
- Proverbs 16:28 – “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
- Proverbs 18:8 – “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.”
- Romans 1:29 – Paul includes gossip in a sobering list of sins that flow from hearts turned away from God.

Gossip isn’t just “talk.” It’s a reflection of a heart in need of renewal.

The Wreckage Gossip Leaves Behind

As a mental health counselor, I’ve seen firsthand the pain that gossip can cause. I’ve sat with clients overwhelmed with anxiety because of lies spoken about them. I’ve counseled spouses whose trust was broken because of careless words shared with friends. I’ve spoken with pastors deeply wounded by gossip in their congregations—words that divided churches and sowed lasting mistrust.

Gossip breaks down trust. It divides relationships, families, and communities. Once spoken, words cannot be retrieved—and the damage they cause often cannot be undone.

Consider the rise in libel and defamation lawsuits in our culture. Libel, the written form of gossip, can ruin careers and reputations. A notable example is Johnny Depp’s lawsuit against Amber Heard, where the court ruled that her statements—published in a major news outlet—had caused irreparable harm to his personal and professional life. While that’s a legal case, it illustrates a biblical truth: false or harmful words carry great weight.

Proverbs 17:4 warns that even listening to gossip is sinful: “A wicked person listens to deceitful lips; a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.”

Gossip is contagious. It creates echo chambers of slander, entrenching sinful speech and encouraging others to join in. What begins as a comment becomes a pattern. Without intervention, it spreads like wildfire.

Putting Gossip to Death: Four Christ-Centered Steps

Rooting out the sin of gossip isn’t a matter of becoming more polite or socially respectable—it’s a call to deep repentance and ongoing sanctification. True change happens not through willpower alone, but through a heart tethered to Christ.

Here’s a fourfold response:

A. Heart-Level Repentance
Gossip is often driven by pride, insecurity, jealousy, or the desire for approval. Ask: What am I really seeking when I gossip? Recognition? Belonging? Power? Repentance begins when we turn from those counterfeit sources of identity and run to Christ—our true security, significance, and hope.

B. Guard Your Speech Intentionally
Scripture calls us to careful speech:
- Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.”
- James 1:19 – “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…”

Before speaking, ask: Is this necessary? Is it edifying?

C. Pursue Redemptive Conversations
Rather than passively joining gossip, redirect the conversation. Proverbs 26:20 reminds us, “Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.” Be bold in gently confronting gossip when you hear it. Speak truth in love, seeking restoration, not condemnation.

D. Engage in Restorative Community
The goal of all biblical confrontation is restoration (Matthew 18:15). Healthy Christian community should be marked by honesty, grace, and biblical peacemaking. When gossip has fractured relationships, take the initiative to pursue peace, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

Struggling with Gossip? Here’s How to Fight It

If you find yourself struggling with gossip, ask heart-check questions regularly:
1. Why am I sharing this?
2. Would I say this if the person were here?
3. Am I seeking to build up or tear down?

Accountability is also vital. Join a small group or discipleship relationship where others can lovingly call you back to truth when you slip into gossip patterns. Invite trusted people into your process of growth.

And don’t just aim to avoid gossip—replace it with intentional encouragement.
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up…” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Make it a spiritual discipline to speak words that give life.

Speak Life, Not Lies

Gossip is more than idle chatter—it is a mirror of the heart. The temptation to gossip is not merely a social misstep but an opportunity for spiritual growth. In Christ, we are empowered to speak truth, hope, and encouragement rather than deception and destruction.

As David prayed: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23–24

Let that be our prayer as we seek to put off gossip and put on the gracious, life-giving speech that reflects our Savior.